Scarred, but not defeated

5Scars

You don’t have to see them. Sometimes, you don’t even feel them happening. Until one day you wake up a little different. A little broken.

Physical scars are easy to deal with for the most part. You fall down, clean up the wound and take some medicines. You wait for the scab to form (and then pick at it). But then its done.

Emotional scars cut away at your soul. You feel this hollowness from thinking about events. A darkness. I know. I was never an unhappy person. In fact I wouldn’t consider myself unhappy now either. But I have these dark corners in my mind. It hurts to think of some events, some people, some things.

As in every relationship one person is dominating and one is not. I am the more submissive one. I end up being the one to reconcile every fight. And I hate it. Every time I cave, it leaves a scar. One more defeat. One more acceptance of guilt, even if it’s not mine.

I’ve been in this place for so long I no longer know how to leave. I no longer know how to assert myself. To say NO! To say – you cannot talk to me like that. Instead I say, what did I do wrong? Tell me.

Its pathetic. I know. I don’t even know why I do it. I imagine being strong and standing up for myself. But it just never happens.

But I soldier on. I do fight. I make my point. Even though I am scarred, I am not defeated.

 

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3 comments

  1. Zarnain Shah · May 2, 2016

    Beautiful! It shows that you value your relationships more than your ego ❤

    Like

    • Drowning Fire · May 2, 2016

      Thanks Zarnain! I’ve learnt the hard way what egos can do to a relationship. But sometimes it’s so important to stand up for yourself. Coz of at the end of the day, if you’re not happy with yourself, you can never make anyone else happy.

      Like

      • Zarnain Shah · May 2, 2016

        You are very right. Your story reminds me of my sister. She also values the relationships so much but at the end she’s not valued as much as she deserves. So, sometimes you need to speak up for yourself to remind others your worth.

        Like

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